It's funny how times change isn't it. How you think that things are going to go the way you want them, and they never do. Not really at least. You think your life is going just the way you want it and then you turn around for a second and when you turn back things are completely different. And you cant get back to the way things were, can never find the things you were holding in your hands. Never find the things that meant most at that time. You become a completely different person, only to look back and think why. Why did things go this way, or that way? Time is ever changing and so are we and there is nothing that we can do about that. Nothing at all. You can sit down in front of your life and look at it, and think you know everything, but you dont. The next hour, day, week, month, or ever year, the life you saw wont be there anymore. You can't expect to hold on to something and it be there for ever and always, things wont be the same tomorrow. Time changes and we can't stop that. It's now the new year and it hasn't made one ounce of difference to me. It's just another day for me, just another day for me to work towards some goal in my life. Something that I can't even figure out. I'm trudging through all of this time to get somewhere that I dont know if I will even want to be when I get there. Time.....it's a silly thing isn't it?

-Just broken

I'm over it.
I'm over everything.
Nothing seems to be enough,
at the end of the day I'm still the same broken me.

Just broken.

And yet to find the strings that will pull me back together
for just the short period of time
where I will be the me I want
then fall apart all over again
in worse shape than before
it will take longer this time to find something that will hold me together.

-Courtney Camin

-Where an I?

Just when I thought I had hit the bottom,
I fell two more feet, just to fall two more.
When will it end?

Walking alone in the darkness,
thought you had my hand
But you didn't,
slipped through your fingers
so fast you didn't even notice
now i'm gone
never to be found again.

The cold on my face
freezing what was warm inside me
Fingers are numb from holding on so tight
Holding on to what wasn't there at all.

Legs are tired
tired from walking a path with no ending
an ending that i am looking forward to

Heart is dead
wont beat for you anymore
wont be for me

Where am I?


-Courtney Camin

So not too much going on really. Not feeling well again today.

I'm doing awesome with sculpture and makeup. Like super awesome. I've made so much stuff in art it's amazing to me, I feel like I have this fountain in me and it's all just pouring out of me. I dont really know where it came from or why. I like it though. Also with makeup I'm really advancing. I've gotten a job for the 29th to do makeup for a womans wedding. Then i'm lead makeup designer for two different plays and the play that i'm in im also designing the wigs. It's so freakin awesome. And it really does make me happy. I dont know what musical they are going to do for the spring production but James has already told me that i'm lead makeup designer and artist. It makes me happy that i've chose this as my profession because it seems to just fit me.

Swimming is going great too. Some days i'm tired of it and want to quit but those are days everyone has. Overall I love it, i'm doing the butterfly and breast stroke right now. It's also nice being tan all year around. lol.

Yesterday I watched A Beautiful Mind and I loved it. It was so freakin good. I got a quote from it that I've had in my mind since.

- Nothing is for sure, thats the one thing i'm for sure of.

When I went to Wal-Mart last night we bought Fright Night and another movie..but I'm so going to watch Fright Night when I get home tonight and absorb all the makeup thats in it, wonderful stuff let me tell ya.

Alright I'm off. Love you guys!

C

 If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Rudyard Kipling